Martin McFly Poke

who really gives two shits about what's happening to mulciber? there are way more important things going on, today in particular.

private --
i hope he fucking rots, anyway.

and yeah, okay. my counselor would say that's not very productive or forgiving of me, and definitely not a sign of moving on, but i don't really give a shit. if there's one thing i'm not putting behind me for the rest of my life, it's the fact that i fucking hate mulciber with a passion --  bludgers being faulty or what have you aside. & that's not changing. not for a fucking thing.
/private

private to 7yh, cm, lindsay, rhys, noah + iona --
unless it  involves  the obvious (gilly, alcohol or sex ... but then again the only person i'd want that from is brooke anyway ... or things very similar), i don't want to do anything for my birthday

& i'm not fishing.
/private

private to luke --
brooke's birthday, the dance, and valentine's day. all right after each other. i can't decide if this is a lucky weekend or not.


wait. what am i saying? 
of course it's a lucky weekend.



just... don't ever tell brooke i said that.
/private

looks like that charm wore off, and just when i was getting used to it, too. but that just means i can try something else out. something that frobisher won't feel the need to "fix."

otherwise, i haven't got anything else to say. classes are classes - sometimes i'm there, sometimes i'm not. it's all in the roll of the die. i'm also not wasting my time by studying. it's just not my thing. there are still... what? four months left? plenty of time for studying, i think!

& there's counselling but that's really nobody's fucking busi

there is a lesson to be learned in this, you know. & that lesson is that marty mcfly poke is always right. even when it comes to rule-breaking hair charms.

private to cm --
i just thought you'd like to know, that your brainy brilliance is greatly appreciated.

but i don't think i can go t
/private

private --
he's going to bring this up today. i just fucking know he is.
/private

all right.
who missed me? don't be shy or afraid to admit it. i really want to know.

& certain people don't count.

( private -- )

private to luke & brooke --
i thought you were supposed to feel better after counselling not like you were just repeatedly trampled on.
/private

private to friends --
i am super special & get to go on holiday two weeks before everyone else. that's my story.

so, see you 2024.

sent earlier on saturday

private to iona --
hey.

so... i was thinking you might want to keep me company in the infirmary for a bit today? i could do with concentrating on something else.

private --
i'm pretty sure i lied to cm.

i don't like it, but what the hell else was i going to say? i can't just tell her that i have no plans whatsoever of attending any of her games this year if i can help it. which mostly means if luke & brooke leave me alone. at least luke's been busy with the play, so he hasn't had the time to bug the fuck out of me notice. & brooke's... she's not going to let it go. i know she's not. but as long as she doesn't tell luke or cm, i think i'm okay.



i can't even think about the other thing. i really can't. which is weird, because i'm pretty sure it's what i wanted for months, but now i can't decide if it's a good or bad thing. i mean. i can't tell her what's wrong, & i can't even say half the things i want to, but she loves me?

so much for not thinking about it.
/ private

private to luke --
i've decided to not hate you anymore.

but if you hit me again, i'm breaking your nose.
/private

private to josh --
you're lucky i'm not in the fucking mood & about to go have a snowball fight with brooke.

just saying.
/private

private --
i've come to a decision since saturday night. never will i ever say i'm being unnecessarily paranoid again. a bloke knows when another bloke is after the same girl.


though we're, brooke and i are, just friends. which i'm completely  and totally okay with. especially since i couldn't manage to do things right the first  i just don't want her to go out with anyone else at the same time. which, yeah, isn't something i've got the right to, but... i don't know.
/private

private to josh --
happy birthday, mate.
i'm going to hold off on my celebration ideas until it's not two days after everyone spent the day with a hangover.
/private

private to luke --
yeah. so.

i don't know who the fuck that is in the slambook, but it isn't me. just for the record.
/private

i just keep being surprised by people.

private  to cm --
i can't decided if i'm glad they finally get it or if it's nine months too late. mum actually threatened me, you believe that? it was all... mum-like.

i also
/private

private --
& something else potentially good came out of that shitfest last weekend.

aaron hasn't got a chance in hell.
/private

everyone's fucking stupid.

private --
just friends. right. of course.

more than 24 hours later & i'm still pretty much...

and i can't tell luke because that's just not on, kissing & telling. or, in this case, doing a bit more than kissing & telling. though a bit might be understating it considering we're just friends. still. & doc is now my favourite living creature for knowing to stay off the bed.

but this is a good place. i'm in a good place. i just... i need to make sure that it lasts. or at least make it look like it.
/private

private to brooke --
so we really got carri

i really hope you're following pomfrey's orders, otherwise i might have to force you to.
/private

life is good, sometimes.

private to zara jordan --
so here's the thing.

my sister likes you a lot and has liked you for a while, which you obviously now know. & i'm very happy for her and the fact that she's finally found a girl who can like her back & from what cm tells me you aren't really the type so i'm sure you're a nice girl and all --

but you'd better be sure you know what you want or try to be upfront about not knowing what you want. because if you aren't & my sister gets hurt in the end of everything, i'll find some way around the fact that you're a girl.

it's nothing personal. any other girl in your place, and they'd be getting threatening messages too.

wrtten early sunday evening.

private --
i may have apologised to brooke, but that doesn't really change where things are. which i'm okay with. most of the time. some of the time. i try to be. i'm forcing myself to be.

because i can't really control the way i react to things. and i don't feel like me.
i've been feeling even less like me all the fucking time lately. i'm this whole other person who starts arguments with anyone who crosses their path on a "good" day, or spends half the day in my bed not caring much if i stay there all day on the "bad" ones.

& i don't like that person. it's not me.

seems it only took nine months for me to lose myself.
/private

i find it so incredibly interesting how the sun rose & set while i was still asleep. okay, so maybe i woke up once or twice but that was to be sick doesn't really count, i think.

i think i'm going to try to get back to that. i'm completely okay with the idea of sunday passing me by as long as it takes this hangover with it

private --
came to a very eye-opening conclusion just now.
i don't care.

not about this year.
& definitely not about hookum's doomed-to-fail three strikes. in fact...
/private

i've been thinking of my plans for the weekend. since i'm pretty sure everyone's going to hogsmeade, & i was supposed to go with brooke i'm not, i've decided to take it as an opportunity to enjoy even more 'me' time. possibly with the aid of firewhiskey and/or gillyweed. depends on how i'm feeling when saturday gets here.

private --
i still don't know who the hell sent me doc, but i guess that's okay. i think i like him about 90% more than other company right now, and he and joy division got along well. not that it matters. unless cm really does end up living with me next year. but i don't even know if i'll be

doc follows me everywhere, which is sort of endearing. i mean. it's not like i'm doing anything important, so i'm not annoyed by it or anything. he's kind of... cute, i guess.



i'm going to keep telling myself that things are better this way. because they are.
/private

private to syl, josh & luke --
just to let you know mostly josh and syl because i can't really hide from luke though i've been trying, i'm not dead & i don't have any plans to jump off the astronomy tower. i'm pretty sure i wouldn't choose something that just sounds so damn painful anyway. maybe something like

i'm just doing everyone a favour by not being around.
/private

... okay. i guess.

private to cm --

someone sent me a kitten
 & i didn't sign up for that secret santa whatever you want to call it, so i don't know why.


i think i'm going to name it doc.

/private

private to lucy --

i'm going to be honest & say i probably shouldn't have done that.

/private